Girls 101
by PinkCardigan
Summary: He had asked her out once and that.. well, that didn't go exactly as planned.. But not to worry! Juu-nii's super, ultra, awesome girl advice is just what Shima Renzou needs to impress the smoking-hot-babeness that is Kamiki Izumo. SHIMA/KAMIKI.


**I do not own Ao No Exorcist.**

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><p>It didn't matter what girl he hit on, what magazine article he read, what his penis said when he saw Moriyama-san running down the hall; all that mattered was the fact that he was head over heels in love with one girl, and one girl only: Kamiki Izumo.<p>

Even after she rejected him, he still couldn't get her out of his head. There was no helping it. Shima thought of it like this: he was the fly and she was the porch light; as much as it hurt to be burned, he kept coming back for more. Yeah, Shima thought, that was a pretty good analogy for this situation. Kamiki was like his downfall; the one thing that could take him out at any moment.

And that's what he liked about her.

Plus, it helped that Shima knew Kamiki really dug her, regardless of what she did whenever he tried to get a peak under her skirt. How else could he explain the way she would avoid him at all costs? That was Girl 101 (taught by none other than his super cool big bro, Juuzou - which, Shima knew this to be true, had ultra high success rates when it came to the opposite gender). When a girl ignores you, she likes you. Before his big bro told him that, Shima had thought of Kamiki Izumo as the one girl that got away, but the more he had thought about it, the more he realized it was true.

In grade school, it was so obvious when a girl had a crush on you. She called you gross and ran away from you at play time, she got all her friends to make posters about how you had cooties, and most of all, she denied you when you asked to meet under the slide. Shima remembered those years clearly too, so he knew Juu-nii wasn't pulling on his leg or something. Those years, after all, had been critical in his becoming the ultimate, cool, pimpin' playboy he was today.

Every time Kamiki denied him her number, it was just her way of saying that she wanted more. Shima thought that Kamiki still acted like that because when she was in grade school, she didn't get the chance to act like all the other, boy-crazed, normal girls. But that was one thing he really liked about her; Kamiki's way of keeping him on his toes. Shima hadn't seen techniques like hers' since he was seven. He was sure if he asked her to share his PB&J she would hire the likings of Moriyama-san to make posters, saying to stay away from 'Shima the Pervert.'

There were, of course, other indications that Kamiki really had a thing for Shima. There just had to be! Shima remembered what Juuzou said about how girls that _really_ like you tend to go after your friends, in order to make you jealous and try harder.

And, oh boy, was Kamiki good at this one.

Some may think Shima slow, or lacking motivation in the common sense department, or even a little distant when it came to reality, but if there was one thing he was good at it was knowing when someone wanted to get in the pants of another. It had taken a good few years to hone the skill, but surely enough, with just one look, Shima could see that Okumura-sensei and his teenage body wanted none other than Cram School's number two (in Shima's book, that is) babe: Moriyama Shiemi. And when he looked at Kamiki, there was no one that jumped on his radar - other than himself, of course.

Ha! Kamiki thought she could trick him with all those subtle glances towards Rin and even - God forbid - Bon, but there was no tricking a master! Those were just fake, little lies Kamiki tried to pull off. She tried to - bless her little heart - pull it off, but how in the world did she expect to fool someone like Shima, who has been taught by the greatest Ladies Man of his time?

Shima knew there was no way Kamiki could be crushing on Rin or Bon; there just could be no way, no way, you hear? It was just like the master said: "_Girls will go after your friends. They want to make you jealous so you give them more attention." _

Plus, how could someone like _Rin_ out cool him when it came to the ladies? He could maybe understand if it was Okumura-sensei but he was so not Kamiki's type so he didn't have to worry about that.

Juu-nii had also taught Shima about the little known fact that if a girl yells at your face on a daily basis, you're in. Juu-nii had said one thing or another about learning this one from personal experience but, at the time, Shima could only focus on how this related to his precious Izumo-chan. As soon as it left Juu-nii's mouth, Shima knew he could also check this off his list of checkmarks about Kamiki Izumo and her love for him.

She definitely yelled at him on a daily basis - probably on an hourly basis if they had been together all day.

Shima had to admit, that he kind of got turned on when Kamiki shouted at him. It made his ears tingle and throat go dry. He even dreamt of her high pitched shrieks some nights (especially after reading a new dirty magazine).

Sometimes - this is when it really got to him - he didn't even know why she was yelling at him. Most of the time, Shima could understand why he was being scolded by the ultra hot Izumo-chan, but other times, he had no idea what he had done to deserve such awesome treatment. Like the time he tried to flirt with Paku-san, he could understand why Kamiki yelled at him (1. She was totally jealous 2. She was totally jealous 3. She was totally jealous). Or when they were out on a mission and he accidentally on purpose lifted the edge of her skirt with his K'rik - he could see why she might had been a little upset. Or even the time when he said her name out loud when he was sleeping in class.

All those times: understandable. It was when he was just sitting there, not doing anything but minding his own business when she yelled at him did he really understand why this lesson was so essential to proving to the world that him and Kamiki were meant to be together. Just the air between them as Kamiki leaned back and belted out a yell, made Shima shiver; he knew it did the same to her, because her Sexy-O-Meter went up about ten notches after she let loose like that. Kamiki always had that satisfied, I-Just-Finished-All-My-Finals look on her face as she settled back down to her normal, bitchy self.

Sometimes - Shima especially liked when this happened - she would kick him or smack him. Juu-nii said this was a bonus (meaning their love would probably last forever - which, with treatment like this, Shima couldn't say no to).

And lastly, Juu-nii taught his little bro, that if the girl in question totally knocks you off your feet, you've got gold. Shima knew for a fact that Izumo-chan did this, day in and day out. There wasn't a moment that his breath wasn't taken away whenever she walked in the room. When Kamiki was around him, there was no hope for anything: he didn't even want to blink because he might miss the total babe-ness that Kamiki radiated. His heart stopped beating whenever her hand would graze his in class. Heck, time stopped when their eyes meet for that one second after she gets done laughing at one of his jokes.

Shima Renzou fell apart completely whenever the thought of Kamiki Izumo ran through his mind.

And that is why - drum roll please - today was the day he was going to try and ask her out again. He had taken the right precautions, listened to all the lessons, watched for all the right signs, even chewed on mint gum all day so this could go off without a hitch. This was not going to be some repeat of _last time._ This time, it was going to go how he wanted it to.

"Hey, Izumo-chan, what's up?" His voice was normal, nowhere as timid as the first time.

Kamiki was sitting at her desk; it was just a few minutes before cram school was starting. Her hair was up, her cute little eyebrows scrunched together as she read through the book in her lap. God, Shima could just commit suicide now, if not, Kamiki would surely be the death of him.

"What do you want?" She didn't bother looking up from her book.

"I actually wanted to ask you a question." The nerves were starting to appear and Shima had to remind himself that he had asked hundreds of girls out on dates - he had to remind himself that he was the most cool guy in the entire school. He had to remind himself that Kamiki was going to say yes.

"Huh? What is it?" She finally looked up at him and Shima fought down the urge to want to say something dumb just so she would yell at him.

"Well, actually -" He rubbed the back of his head and laughed " - Wanna go out on a date with me?"

There. He said it. Finally, after months of mentally preparing himself again, he said it. Shima was so confident in himself that it almost felt like he was just asking the cute girl from the drama club out for ice cream.

Almost.

"Ha!" Kamiki's face turned bright red but, somehow, any one in their right mind would realize that it wasn't from embarrassment but from anger. Shima, sadly, was never quite in his right mind when around Kamiki. "Don't ask me something stupid like that, idiot! Of course I don't want to go out with the likes of you! Womanizer!"

Wha - ? What?

What had just happened? Shima racked through his brain over and over again: this was not in Juu-nii's Girl 101 class. He had gone through the checklist! He had made sure that Kamiki always denied him for her phone number, he made sure that she blushed when Rin played with her hair in class! Hell, he even made sure he made the comments that got her especially mad. He had gone through all the lessons and still got nothing! Kamiki should be blushing and acting like a total _dere _right now! This was not the time to revert back to the beginning stages of her _tsundere-_ness!

What the hell!

Then, like the first time he saw Kamiki, it hit him like a bullet train. Juuzou. Shima should have foresaw this. Sure, his big bro was popular with the girls, but he had only been teaching from experience with the one girl that he could never get. Damn. All the lessons from Girl 101 had been based on Mamushi. Damn! Mamushi was always the one girl that Juu-nii could never get. Always - _always - _Mamushi denied Shima's older bro.

Shima wanted nothing more than to punch his 'cool' big bro right now.

Shima should have realized by now: Girl 101 doesn't work on hard-headed, strong willed girls like Kamiki. He should have realized that Juu-nii had no clue when it came to over-bearing females like Kamiki because his big bro had no success - as far as Shima knew, that is - with that type of girl anyways.

Oh God, did that mean -

"You actually have a crush on Bon?"

...

Even if it wasn't true, all the lessons his big bro taught him, there was some hope in Shima's mind that it was. After Kamiki beat him up and Shima was escorted to the Nurse's Office and as he lay there, the cute nurse trying to get his bloody nose to stop, Shima realized that this was just another step towards becoming closer with the girl of his dreams. So what if Juu-nii had no success with the type of girl that he was dealing with, but he still had faith in his older bro. Shima couldn't let all those well thought-out lessons go to waist.

There had to be hope for him and Kamiki. There just had to be. And as far as Shima was concerned, today just reinforced what Juu-nii taught him in Girl 101: 1. Izumo-chan denied him; 2. Izumo-chan reacted in a suspicious manner after Shima accused her of liking Bon; 3. Izumo-chan proceeded to yell at him _and _beat the living shit out of him; 4. Izumo-chan made Shima - quite literally - loose his breath all over again.

There was another point too, Shima realized as he laid there, his cute Izumo-chan never actually _said _she wouldn't go out on a date with him.

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><p><strong>I don't know if I used the whole '<em>tsundere' <em>/ '_dere' _thing right. Haha. Oh, and I can't resist Juuzou/Mamushi. I love those two. **

**The summary is inspired / half-taken from 'Just the Girl' by the Click Five (:**


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